I am not special.
Nor is anyone else.
But everyone is essential. Everything we do in our dimension has to have happened based on what has happened before, and what happens now dictates what will happen in future. But thought interferes with that, because we can think/imagine things that haven’t happened or won’t happen, and in that way we kind of bring them into semi-existence, semi-manifestation in this dimension. Does that in some way stop them from being made completely manifest in one of the other dimensions? Or does it just allow us a glimpse of other dimensions that we don’t inhabit in our earthly form?
I’m digressing already…
Meaning is derived solely from what we decide to focus upon, combined with the narrative we tell ourselves to explain the actions which we carry out – actions which are dictated largely, if not solely, by our unconscious, the potential innately contained in our bud.
I exist. I am essential. But I don’t need to be noticed. It is the striving to be noticed, and the analysis of whether or not one is being noticed and appreciated, that causes so much stress in life. If I just live my life as I want, I will have a certain effect on everyone I come across. Whether that effect is good or bad, acknowledged by them or not, is completely besides the point…the point is that the influence has happened. I don’t need feedback from others – either praise or complaint – for doing what I do, so long as what I do is congruent with my nature. If I get feedback, I don’t need to listen to it, but neither do I need to ignore it out of some stubborn knee-jerk need for independence. If it makes some sense, will improve me in some way, bring me to worthwhile experiences, then I should consider it.
A lot of the time, my self-growth has consisted of growing away from my natural self because of the influence of others, rather than growing into what I was born to be. I don’t live in a vacuum, so that’s not surprising. These outside influences do allow for me to grow beyond my potential, but what I can never tell is whether beyond my potential in all those different directions is any better or worse than staying within my innate potential. It probably doesn’t even matter, and I guess I don’t have much of a choice, in reality, much like a tree doesn’t choose what environment it grows in, and in which direction its roots and branches grow in order to compete for the nutrients it needs.
But most of the time I should consider that when feedback is given, the other person is giving it based on their best interests first. I’m not a competitive person so I don’t like taking up someone else’s space in pursuit of my own aims, but that’s the way of the world, isn’t it? When you have to share space, you have to compete, else you end up giving way for them to grow at the expense of your own growth.
But then, what does it really matter? What does it matter in the greater scheme of things which tree grows the tallest and healthiest, so long as one of them does? Nature doesn’t play favourites. It’s not survival of the fittest, but survival of the most keen to survive and thrive. In which case the ultimate mark of fitness is the will to grow into the biggest, strongest, best version of yourself, whatever the circumstances you find yourself in. It’s about not allowing your vulnerabilities to make you weak, but instead accepting them and trying to find a way of using them to make yourself even stronger.
“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”
I think that’s the point. I need to be less self-conscious about however I happen to grow…doesn’t matter if the direction of growth is coming from within or from influences outside of me, so long as I survive and grow as strong and healthy as I can manage given the circumstances.